I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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