The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
