dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
