Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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