I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
