Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I love you.
Bad choice
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
