I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
