before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
