you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
