I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
