We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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