Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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