so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
40s are totally the cure
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
