sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
