I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
