i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
