just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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