dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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