Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
