Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
