Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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