You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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