Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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