not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
