I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
