I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
