i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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