I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
