you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
