If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
