Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
