He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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