I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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