Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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