oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The power of my boobs compel you
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
