I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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