We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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