He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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