Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
