I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Did we literally take a cab across the street
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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