it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
