My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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