how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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