Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
