for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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