They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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