I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
