So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize