I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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