I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
