dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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