I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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