so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
