I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
