I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
