Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize