Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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