he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
