I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
