No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
