Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
