so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
