So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
