you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
