grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize