You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
