You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
