I think my vagina is haunted
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
