The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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