omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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