Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
