IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
