I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
