I wish I could teleport
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
