Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
