After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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