we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
