i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
