i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
