He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
