i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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