My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
