I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
a search helicopter?!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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