I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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