So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize