I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
