At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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