Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
