You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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