its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
