I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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