We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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