Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
