i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
