why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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