My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Drunk is not a location!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
